In a Whale's Stomach: 20,000 Leagues under the Sea
by Yui-Mag
Summary: Random insanity that tries to explain how Weiss manages to survive after they fight Schuldig, Farfello, Nagi, Crawford and a crumbling building into the ocean. And yes, there is a whale!


Disclaimer-The following characters (minus the whale) are not mine.

In a Whale's Stomach: 20, 000 Leagues Under The Sea…

(By Yui-mag and Cathan White when they were still in Highschool. Which explains a lot actually! I randomly found this in one of my sketchbooks and decided it was too damned random to _not_ post it.)

From the darkness a sudden spark lit the sullen expression on Yoji's face. The spark lasted long enough to leave the end of a glowing cigarette between the fine set of his lips. The same glowing tip which bobbed as he spoke... "What the fuck?"  
Omi had to clamp down the urge to remove the vile, polluting object from Yoji's mouth. After all, it was there only light source. He sighed.

"I wish I had long pants."

"And again..." Yoji muttered, glancing in the direction of the chibi's disembodied voice. "I reiterate: What the fuck?"

Omi sighed again, a long suffering sigh. "Yoji we've just been swallowed whole by a whale. We're in its stomach which is filled with stomach acid that trying to break us down into smaller, more digestible pieces. I _need_ more protection."

Yoji rolled his eyes in the darkness as Ken glanced down and sloshed his toes in his sneakers. "It does kind of burn, ne?"

Suddenly everything gave a violent jolt and the whale's occupants found themselves thrown against the squishy sides of the whale as the stomach juices crashed over them in waves. Yoji came up sputtering a curse, having lost his cigarette as Aya's voice calmly announced it was a bad idea to use a katana on a whale.

"We're fucked." Ken moaned.

"We're digested, you mean." Omi muttered sourly.

"If it was the first option, I'd be in heaven." Yoji hissed.

"As opposed to hell," Aya grumbled and dared another poke at the whale. The whale's eyes bulged in pain and in protest it swam full speed to the surface of the water and leaped, its body forming a graceful arc in the air before coming back down with a crash. Never again, It thought sheepishly, Never again. Humans.

Meanwhile, inside the whale, screaming had ensued.

"I'm going to kill him!!" Yoji shrieked, gripping blindly to close his fingers around Ken.

"Aya-kun" Omi wailed (no pun intended) "We agreed poking whale is a BAD idea!" The poor bishonen's skin was now very irritated. For all you fan girls--Omi is in his winter gear...long sleeved shirt and a short that is SO short that no GIRL would dare wear for fear of the uncomfortable wedgies it would cause them. I won't even bother going into detail on how painful it must be for a guy to wear he thing. I'll leave it to your imagination. How irritated? Sunburned... Aya sighed and dropped his katana.

"We're fucked." He agreed sullenly.

Omi's eyes went wide as he brought his hand to his lips. "Oro... Aya-kun."

Meanwhile, Ken gave out a strangled shriek. "You hear him talking over there! Let go of me!" Yoji cursed as he realized his mistake. He let go of the slightly blue Ken, the soccer playing dropping rather loudly on to all fours. Yoji started to make his way to where he had heard Aya.

"Let's play a game Aya...kun." Yoji spat out. "I say Marco... you answer POLO!"

"What?" Came Aya's distracted response.

"It's an American game as far as I know." Announced Omi.

"Marco!" Yoji called.

"Polo?" Aya sounded more confused than he usually allowed himself to sound. The acid fumes must have been getting to him.

Meanwhile (AGAIN) Yoji shrieked as someone scrambled onto his back. "Get off CHIBI! Stop trying to protect Aya!"

Omi blinked wide eyes in the dark. "Protect Aya? I just want to get out of the acid! Protect ME is more like it!" The three were speechless at the announcement--Ken's quietness due mainly to the fact that he was still recuperating from lack of O2.

Aya suddenly shrugged his shoulders as he felt someone climb on top. "Hidaka..." He growled.

"What?" Ken growled back in a voice that made Aya's eyes go wide because it definitely came from the other side of the whale.

"Oh look, the red kitten's confused." Came the drawled out words as the long arms wrapped themselves more securely around his shoulders. Omi blinked.

"Oh hell no." The young teen muttered. "Digested is one thing. Molested while being digested is another." He shrieked as he was pulled from Yoji's back by an invisible force. The invisible force continued to hold him up while whapping him on the head. "Ouch! Not you prodigy! That _Redhead_!"

Aya hadn't waited for anyone to say anything. He'd thrown himself backwards to start trying to drown Schudilg in the digestive juices. The taste however was so bad that the whale couldn't take it. He denied both biology and evolution and threw them all up in the sea.

The seven of them lay there, partially digested and in shock, floating on the waves. Nagi kept them from drowning or tried to as Aya continued to try and kill Schudilg.

Ken glanced around suspiciously. "Seven? Where's the other one...?" He growled, already fingering his metallic claws.

Far below the ocean waves...

Farfello laughed maniacally and a bit bloodily as he was being digested (already a bit shredded) by a great white shark.

The end.


End file.
